jeff x dicey - 4eva!

spent at least an hour (if not more) today thinking about deeply about fictional characters and just what it is about their personalities that attracts them to each other, the ways in which they are similar and opposite...and what their fictional future together will be like. i am talking about jeff greene and dicey tillerman from the tillerman cycle by cynthia voigt. i'm a sucker for well written YA lit. and cynthia voigt is the best. jeff greene lives within me although i havent read a solitary blue for some years now (ordered it off flipkart today finally! so i can have my very own copy! to have and to hold...but i've absorbed it into my skin and carry it around with me... i remember the way it feels)

...then read day fourteen of the 40 days of dating project and it upsets me. jeff and dicey don't upset me because they're fictional (and i know they're together in their fictional universe fighting for each other because they're both blue herons in the wild *sigh* and sure they'll fight, and have problems but he's a one woman man and that's that) and canon and there's commitment and clarity there. but this project is so real and emotional and disturbing because it's real (like a really real version of the mindy project and that is too much drama!)... HEADDESK this is actually making me glad i dont have cctv/god vision into the lives of friends/people i'm curious about on facebook. with knowledge comes tension. it's only day 14 and i'm a mess! everyone's life is a mess!

you know... i should be more of a mess about being single and alone. but i'm okay this year :) 27 in 2013. it's all good. at least i don't have cluster headaches or commitment issues. i'd like to think that when i'm next obsessing over someone, there will be great clarity and purpose and i'll know just what i want to do about it, even if it involves doing stupid things. because i'm a lot like jeff greene (and that boy's got his life figured out by the end of the book). you'll just have to read a solitary blue to figure out what i mean.

from cynthia voigt's website faq (are your stories about real people? did this really happen?):

...The boy I glimpsed one night at King's Dominion, the only passenger in a Tilt-a-Whirl carriage, multi-colored lights flowing over him, his arms stretched out wide along the back of the seat, his dark glasses hiding his eyes: that boy became Jeff Greene in A Solitary Blue...

Someone to turn his thoughts to

listening to
everyman needs a companion - father john misty (aka. joshua tillman/j tillman)

just got done reading fortydaysofdating.com. really interesting project (currently on day thirteen). perfect for me to follow because i love spying on people. always want more info about how someone sees/feels about a situation.

Interpretive Fallacy: To read/view is to interpret, in every case. Each reader/viewer interprets differently, experiences a different text.
— William Gibson (@GreatDismal) July 20, 2013

it's basically two friends working through their relationship issues by seeing each other everyday for 40 days because thats how long it takes to make a new habit. that's my extremely simplified gist of the matter. it's worth it to sit down and read the whole thing complete with illustrations, photographs, screenshots, videos and ponderings. lol just realised how appropriate a song this is for this project. i just picked it because i'm on a father john kick right now. joshua tillman fascinates me.

my favourite line from the song
I never liked the name Joshua/I got tired of J




video from day six (of 40).
i love this movie so much.
so much. timothy hasn't seen it and can't stand jeff bridges. how? why? timothy, why?

anyway back to my feels about this project. they have this daily questionnaire they have to respond to about how they're feeling about the project. what they've learnt about themselves and the other person. it's easier to be honest when you have questions to respond to i think... vs free form blogging. i can feel myself censoring myself heavily these days. not so much censoring as omitting. keeping it light. don't want to share what it is that i'm really feeling. but when asked a direct question i could get around it i think... because then there's the need to articulate.. an answer!

my thoughts on the mirror has two faces
pretty much a perfect film. one that i can watch whenever it's on. want the dvd. that's how awesome it is. streisand and bridges - otp. or rather ruth and whatever his name is in the film. the characters. they are perfection. it's one of those films i've watched with my father where we both loved it super lots. this is where i begin questioning myself... thinking am i remembering that right? was i the sap who loved it more than him? he did like it right? i do that with memories. rethink. wonder what my brain's made up...

but what i do know is, i love this film. there's no doubt about that.

but sometimes i doubt everything else. who am i? what do i want out of life? out of a relationship? out of the other person? and sometimes things are perfectly clear. i know what i want, i just don't have it yet. some things are right. life's alright.

but some things are missing. and that's the truth. but that's okay. *shrug* :)

six degrees of playlist making

we begin with:
1. 22 - taylor swift - a song about feeling 22.
2. who says - john mayer - once dated taylor swift, also "It's been a long time since 22"
3. giving up the gun - vampire weekend - whose video stars jake gyllenhaal who also dated...
4. time to dance - the shoes - jake ditches tennis for fencing.
5. dancing shoes - cliff richard 
6. footloose - kenny loggins 
...aaaaand kevin bacon! w000!