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Thursday, 13 November 2014

Interstellar: A Review (IT’S ALL SPOILERS FROM HERE)

Let’s get the few good things I have to say about it out of the way right now. The way those robots looked and moved was pretty cool and they had pretty neat personalities as well. I’d be friends with CASE or TARS easy! I guess the Cooper station or whatever at the end was cool with the bent perspective and all. The End.

What I hated about INTERSTELLAR:
The biggest thing - who are these people? They all seemed so generic. Like stand in people before Joss Whedon came in and gave them personalities, made them breathe, live real lives.

Let’s take Topher Grace. What do we know about Topher other than the fact that he’s a doctor? And he’s Murph’s friend. Pretty much nothing. So she kissed him that one time… what happened next? No fucking idea. Why do I care about Topher you ask? He’s just a minor character!

Well… let’s move on to Murph, you might say she’s the most major character there is. What we know: she’s a genius, disgruntled daughter, crappy sister… but why is she this? I couldn’t say at all. Why do her and Casey Affleck have the shittiest relationship ever? Why doesn’t he stab her in the eyes after she burns down his crops to manipulate him into doing what she wants him to do? How does she have oodles of loving relatives at her death bed? What do they even like about her? So she saved the human race. So fucking what! She’s awful. Just tell your brother he killed his son, why don’t cha… and it’ll be awesome afterward #sarcasm! The movie ignores all of these things to make this larger point about humanity and human behaviour and love. But who in this movie behaves even remotely human? Human beings are petty. We get caught up in the little things. She should be so clingy when she has her father back at the end… make him stay and watch you die for all the times that he missed! What is wrong with you.. sending him away. Maybe he wants to meet his decendants? Who did Murph marry? Any questions for your dear ol’ daughter dad?

Let’s talk about Mr. Dad. He’s not even the “hollywood cliche super-dad” dad… that dad is Dennis Quaid in the Parent Trap.. or George Clooney in One Fine Day.. or Ethan Hawke in Before Midnight.. Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire.. Bill Paxton in Twister (he may not have kids yet, but man is he going be great) ..dads who would rather die than miss the moments. He’s meant to be mr. loving father… but all he does is leave. Even when he’s back, he leaves. So willing and agreeable. Why didn’t he really think about what time and relativity meant? That argument of we knew the theory, but in practice… “shit seven years! I never thought of it that way” —Really man? Really?? You’re just realising this now? W000 Science! They're about as crappy as the scientists in Prometheus. 2 regular nerds in a comic book store have thought more about how this scenario would play out than you have.

And Anne Hathaway *headdesk* what was that bogus speech about the power of love? Who the fuck is Wolf Edmunds or whatever his name was? How can we care that you might not ever see the love of your life ever again when we've just heard about him in this scene. For some of the movie I wondered if there was something between her and Wes Bentley. But no, sadly, Wes too is an emotionless robot. So is single black guy - only included for diversity. While Matt Damon is playing the role of token villain - Mr. I-must-survive at all cost. How are these people so unattached? He has no family. Okay, I can buy that. But.. no friends too? Psychopath alert much? What is he surviving for? The mission? No. Just to be alone and alive? Castaway style?

For much of the last half of the movie I was thinking of Cloverfield… where all it takes is the first 10 minutes of those guys at the party for you to know everything you need to know about them. And then you’re in. You give a shit whether they live or die. It all matters.

Here… the science might be spot on. I’ll give it that. But all the moments I felt nothing (where normally i’d be bawling like a crazy person):

• Murph realises her father is the “ghost”
• Hathaway realises she’s never seeing Wolf again
• Topher gets kissed
• Cooper sees old Murph

Highlight of the movie was when TARS tells a knock-knock joke. That was real.

Basically this was a movie that was more thought experiment than based in reality. It was Nolan-like in the way that he used those prisoners on 2 boats choosing not to blow each other up. In real life those people would be way more of a mess and having panic attacks and crying. Calmly behaving like they know they’re in a thought experiment? Not!

Maybe i’ve watched too much Kevin Smith but the getting high and zenning out of the situation seems called for when faced by daily dust storms and death by lung cancer. Bring on the cigarettes i say, speed it up and party on out. Rage against the dying of the light with the most epic rager you ever saw. Like the end of Cabin in the Woods. Now that’s a party. Why's everyone all about saving the human race anyway?

Movies I’d rather watch:
• Twister
• Safety Not Guaranteed
• Apollo 13
• Cloverfield
• Moon
• Serenity
• Gattaca

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